it's too hot outside to masturbate.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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