tell your sister to shave her snatch
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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