she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
