Just cropdusted the office
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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