My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How naked do you want me to be?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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