do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize