Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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