Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
