you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
