woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
