chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
