She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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