Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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