Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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