it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
