Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
