My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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