You're completely useless in the revolution.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have post one night stand depression
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
