Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
