Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
