you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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