I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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