I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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