WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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