The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
