a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
