I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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