I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
