You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
