i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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