sarcasm needs its own font
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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