Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
