im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
