i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
