Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
