May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
