Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
