my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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