Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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