My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
