I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize