I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
