yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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