I hate all girls vehemently.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
