i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
