I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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