I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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