Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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