Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
