Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
