That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
