Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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