85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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