i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
