you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
