so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
