everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
