omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
