oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
