So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
