SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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